Weekly Tips and Advice

We Need to STOP Shooting the Messenger

Posted by on Sep 25, 2017 in Responsibly Healthy Tips | Comments Off on We Need to STOP Shooting the Messenger

We Need to STOP Shooting the Messenger

“A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses.” ~Hippocrates

What do I mean when I say we need to stop shooting the messenger, you are surely asking. What I mean by this is a paradox as it is both quite simple and rather complicated. It is simple in theory and complicated in practice.

Messenger

Let’s look at simple first and then we can touch on complicated.

In simple terms, stop shooting the messenger means to stop blaming anything or anyone for our health issues and to start taking personal responsibility instead. This will be a hard pill for many to swallow because when we take responsibility it means we must make choices and sometimes very tough choices. We need to change whatever mental patterns, lifestyle choices, stressors, or toxins environmental or otherwise that have contributed to our health challenges. We need to give our own bodies the tools in which to heal itself.

Illness and disease is our body’s way of telling us whatever lifestyle we are living, whatever we are holding onto emotionally, or whatever we have going on in our lives is not serving us and our health. While illness and disease of any kind are horrible, sometimes deadly and “suck” as many people proclaim; that is the messenger and we need to start listening to what it is telling us.

It is no secret the top leading diseases are often preventable and lifestyle created diseases. The stats on this are staggering. I am not going to throw out numbers here or quote sites, you can do your own research as this is not the point of this article. But, this is now where things get complicated.

Here are some of the dynamics that make the creation of health so complicated.

Conflicts of Interest

This is probably the biggest creator of the perpetuation of disease on the planet. Let’s face it, the ‘health’ industry is big business. There is more money and profits to be gained in people getting and remaining sick and needing drugs and treatment for their illnesses and disease than there is in a healthy population not requiring drugs and/or treatments.
True prevention and cures, natural or not, are just not profitable to the industries that benefit from you being sick. Sickness is big business and there is no denying the truth in this.


Ignorance is Bliss and Misguided


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How to Grieve Someone Who Has Chosen Medical Assistance in Dying (MAID)

Posted by on Aug 14, 2017 in Grief Recovery, Responsibly Healthy Tips | Comments Off on How to Grieve Someone Who Has Chosen Medical Assistance in Dying (MAID)

How to Grieve Someone Who Has Chosen Medical Assistance in Dying (MAID)

“Mankind’s greatest gift, also its greatest curse, is that we have free choice. We can make our choices built form love or from fear.” ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

If someone we know and love has chosen Medical Assistance in Dying (MAID) to end their pain and suffering there is no simple answer on how to grieve the loss, it’s just complicated.

Medical assistance in dying

It’s complicated because medical assistance in dying goes against what we have always believed to be the natural order of dying. It questions our beliefs and morality. In our minds and our hearts, it ranks up there with suicide, murder, and freak accidents. “Death isn’t supposed to happen this way,” will echo within every fiber of our being. We have not been raised in a culture that has subscribed to MAID until now, animals being the exception. This is all new to us, and like it or not most likely here to stay.

So, the question becomes how do we deal with it? How do we get on with the process of grieving and mourning our loss in the midst of all this confusion and complication?

First, we need to find acceptance. We need to accept every individual’s personal freedom of choice. We need to accept that not everyone is going to make the same choice we would make, and at the same time let go of the notion or belief that we would chose any differently if we were facing the same pain and suffering. Only until we have truly walked in another person’s shoes can we rightfully say we would choose differently. Even if that was the truth and the case for us, we still must honor and accept other people’s choices for themselves. This is what unconditional love is all about, the path of true compassion, love and peace.

Second, we need to let go of attachment to our beliefs. If our beliefs will not let us accept then we will not be able to fully grieve the loss and will only harbor anger, resentment and pain. We can maintain our beliefs if we so choose, but not attaching to them as being right and others wrong will help us to release any feelings that impede our ability to let go, fully grieve and forgive if necessary for our healing.

This is not the time for self-righteous judgment if we want to successfully navigate our grieving, find peace and heal our hearts. The two cannot co-exist.


We

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Five Hidden Traps of Comparing

Posted by on May 7, 2017 in Responsibly Healthy Tips | Comments Off on Five Hidden Traps of Comparing

Five Hidden Traps of Comparing

 “Comparison is an act of violence against the self.” ~Iyanla Vanzant

We all do it: constantly compare ourselves to others. Then we base our self-worth on how we rate compared to others based on some measuring stick that either our family and/or society have imposed upon us. So, what effect does this narcissistic need to compare have upon us, our lives and our level of wellbeing?

comparing

Low Self-Worth

This seems obvious and the mother of all the others, however it is not always apparent as advertising, social media, television, and society at large can keep us trapped in this one for a very long time if not a life time. There are always going to be people who are more attractive, smarter, fitter, ambitious, richer, popular, happier, and successful (no matter how you measure it.) You name it, someone or something will be more of it, whatever it is to us. No wonder we can feel so bad about ourselves, at times feeling unworthy of love, admiration, affection, attention… the list goes on. The only real solution is to stop trying to be like someone else and focus on just being the best version of you each day. The only thing to compare yourself to is yourself, and whether you are better than you were yesterday, last week, or last year.

Complacency

When we rate ourselves based on others and the bar seems so high and out of reach why bother trying, right? That can be the go to solution for many. So instead of doing anything to improve, the easier option is to just do nothing and stay the same. Then to feel accepted and better about ourselves the next step is to surround ourselves with people who are also complacent, not wanting to improve, grow or change. You all know the saying, “Misery loves company.” As much as we may look like we are okay with this, deep down there will be a discontentment that gets buried and forgotten, only to be manifested in addictions, depression, or poor health due to poor health choices.

Judgement

When we judge others, we are comparing and reflecting things about ourselves we don’t like and are unwilling to acknowledge (then we don’t have to change.) Or it could be things we would like to be but are unwilling to make the effort to become. It is far easier to judge others than to look in the mirror and acknowledge our own shortcomings. In our judgment we take our complacency and suddenly become perfect while everyone else is not. It really is a trap keeping us from growing, improving or changing.

Jealousy

Jealousy is so close to low self-worth it reminds of me the chicken and the egg. Which came first? They feed off each other, morphing into something not necessarily good for our well-being. We don’t often see jealousy depicted as a great quality or attribute. Rather than being jealous of others, a much healthier view is to find inspiration to be, do, or achieve more in our lives. Use it as fuel to feed your desires contributing to your self-worth, as opposed to the trap of self-degradation.

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Are You Depressed or Suffering from Unresolved Grief?

Posted by on Apr 24, 2017 in Grief Recovery, Responsibly Healthy Tips | Comments Off on Are You Depressed or Suffering from Unresolved Grief?

Are You Depressed or Suffering from Unresolved Grief?

 “Grief is depression in proportion to circumstance; depression is grief out of proportion to circumstance.”  ~Andrew Solomon

For many people, grief is associated only with death; the feelings that can come with this grief are expected, allowed and, for the most part, accepted. Grief, however, can be the result of any type of loss and this is where things can get confusing and messy for us.


Any alteration of circumstance or change in a familiar pattern of behavior can create varying degrees of grief. Moving, losing a job, kids leaving home, divorce, retirement, loss of health and vitality, even the loss of opportunity can all create sorrow and sadness.


  • If you have areas in your life where you


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Why Do We Need a Crisis to Change?

Posted by on Apr 10, 2017 in Responsibly Healthy Tips | Comments Off on Why Do We Need a Crisis to Change?

Why Do We Need a Crisis to Change?


“Faced with crisis, the man of character

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How You React to Other People’s Upset and What it Says About You

Posted by on Mar 27, 2017 in Responsibly Healthy Tips | Comments Off on How You React to Other People’s Upset and What it Says About You

How You React to Other People’s Upset and What it Says About You


“Whenever other people are upset, always


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What Does It Mean to be Responsibly Healthy?

Posted by on Mar 13, 2017 in Responsibly Healthy Tips | Comments Off on What Does It Mean to be Responsibly Healthy?

What Does It Mean to be Responsibly Healthy?

“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Responsibility is a big word, not just in length but in meaning. It can hold a different meaning for many people, it can be very narrow or it can be very broad. What does it mean for you?

responsibly healthy
Over the last several years I have spent countless hours trying to truly understand what it means to not just be responsible for myself but to be responsibly healthy. I have made it part of my Life Purpose to educate and share with people what being responsibly healthy has to offer them; Freedom, Inner peace and ultimately Happiness. Who doesn’t want some of that?

So what does it mean to be Responsibly Healthy from my perspective?

First and foremost, it means that I realize and recognize our responsibility for our lives and for seeing ourselves as holistic beings with four key aspects. Let’s look at each one briefly.

Body/Physical
Most people can certainly relate to this one, and some people only relate to this one. It is important to keep our bodies healthy if we want to live a long life. That is a given. To be healthy we must take responsibility for the choices we make with respect to food intake, exercise, stress management, and sleep. It is important to take responsibility for educating ourselves on the truth about what is healthy and what is not, what hurts us and what heals us, and what works for us individually because as much as we are all the same we are also different.

Mind/Intellect
Our minds are very powerful and can set us free or they can wreak havoc in our lives. To be responsibly healthy, we need to feed our minds with thoughts, ideas, beliefs and knowledge that bring out the best version of who we are capable of being. Use your mind to serve you, not to undermine you. Exercise it through learning and reading. Practice mindfulness and being present. Let it rest through meditation and relaxation. Your mind is an extremely wonderful tool and an asset if you take responsibility for it.

Emotional Being
Our emotions are strongly connected to our bodies and our minds, and are a very intricate part of who we are as human beings. They are often referred to as energy in motion, which is why they can create such strong physical responses: laughter, crying, sweating and shaking.

Historically and still today, the emphasis in society has been about IQ. However, more and more people are starting to see that EQ–emotional intelligence–is extremely important if we are to be healthy individuals. This means understanding and taking responsibility for our emotional reactions to what happens in our lives and, if we are not emotionally healthy, seeking out support that can help us heal. This could be in the form of counseling, alternative therapies, coaching, or grief work. There is no magic pill to healing our emotional wounds. It is work and it is our responsibility to do this work.

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How to Take Your Spring Cleaning to a Whole New Level and Feel Awesome

Posted by on Feb 27, 2017 in Responsibly Healthy Tips | Comments Off on How to Take Your Spring Cleaning to a Whole New Level and Feel Awesome

How to Take Your Spring Cleaning to a Whole New Level and Feel Awesome

“Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.” ~William Morris

“Out of clutter find simplicity.” ~Albert Einstein

“When things aren’t adding up in your life, start subtracting.” ~Anon

March is upon us and with it comes the thoughts of spring. For many, that can mean some welcomed spring cleaning. Exactly twenty-seven days ago, I started a “purging” challenge inspired by the documentary movie Minimalism. You can find it here, and it is worth watching before embarking on the challenge I am going to share with you.

Spring cleaning
The challenge is quite simple: it lasts for thirty days. On day one you purge one item, on day two you get rid of two items, on day three you purge three items and the sequence continues–you get the drift. Yes, by day thirty you are cleaning out thirty items that day.

At the start, it is fairly easy, the real challenge comes when you start hitting ten or more items per day depending of course on how easily you are able to let go of stuff.

Cleaning is Freeing

For myself, I have found this exercise very exhilarating and freeing. It is amazing how clutter, even clutter that is hidden in drawers or cupboards, can weigh you down. When you let go of the “stuff'” that is no longer serving your life, you are creating a spaciousness that you can actually feel energetically. Don’t take my work for it–give this type of cleaning a try for yourself.

I suggest starting on the first of the month. That way, the calendar day will always remind you of how many items you need to purge that day. These can be items you either throw away or donate. Just make sure to get rid of them so you aren’t tempted to change your mind and put them back. Go with your gut instinct about something, and don’t overthink it.

Asking yourself the following questions can be helpful:


  • Do I love it?


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Why Do We Have or Need Funerals?

Posted by on Jan 30, 2017 in Grief Recovery, Responsibly Healthy Tips | Comments Off on Why Do We Have or Need Funerals?

Why Do We Have or Need Funerals?

“A meaningful funeral celebration is about saying hello on the pathway to goodbye.” ~Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt

As you may or not be aware my husband and I own and operate a Funeral Home. Our family home is above the Funeral Home and thus, we are engrossed in the world of loss.

Do we do this job for the money? Not really, it is not about money for us. Do we do it for the lifestyle? Not really, we are on call 24/7 and getting a weekend or week away is challenging. You may be asking why then do we do it? Why would we continue to choose a modest lifestyle, being on call 24/7, giving up our evening and weekends quite frequently, and most of all being so up close and personal with death?

We do it because both of our life choices have brought us here, and our belief in what we do keeps us here.

funerals


So why do we have or need Funerals in the first


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When Hiding Grief is an Academy Award Performance

Posted by on Dec 19, 2016 in Grief Recovery, Responsibly Healthy Tips | Comments Off on When Hiding Grief is an Academy Award Performance

When Hiding Grief is an Academy Award Performance

“We all want to do something to mitigate the pain of loss or to turn grief into something positive, to find a silver lining in the clouds. But I believe there is real value in just standing there, being still, being sad.” ~John Green

When someone close to us dies, there is an initial outpouring of love, sympathy, and support from friends and family. This helps us get through the first onslaught of grief that can be overwhelming, sometimes leaving us struggling to even put one foot in front of the other.

Yet, after a while, once the funeral is over and “enough” time has passed, our friends and family get on with their lives leaving us to grapple with this unfillable hole in our hearts.

hiding grief as performance

Our pain is still there and is 100% real for us. Sometimes the pain is even more crushing once the dust has settled and the expectation is that life continues as normal, when deep in our hearts we know it can never be the same.

The unfortunate truth is that some people really don’t understand. They have this expectation that we can just pick ourselves up and get on with our lives, almost forgetting that a deep loss has even occurred. But often, they haven’t forgotten, they just don’t want to talk about it anymore, or are uncomfortable with your grief.

“And the Oscar Goes To…”

So, what do we do? Well, often, we “get on with our lives” giving a performance as though we are fine, when really, we are not. To protect others and sometimes even ourselves from the strong emotions of grief, we hide it. We shut our grief down. We turn it off, and suppress it into the deep recesses of our hearts only letting it out when we are alone and cannot be seen by another living soul–even our family members.

This becomes a performance of acting in a way we feel will protect the feelings of others and keep from disappointing them with our inability to move on and “get over it”.


Our Performance Can Convince


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